A roadmap to inclusive leadership: disability etiquette (key no6)

Terms like “inclusion” and “inclusivity” often buzz around leadership boardrooms and strategy meetings. But true inclusive leadership digs much deeper than simply checking off whatever diversity box organizations might hold themselves accountable to. Understanding how to behave around the concept of disability is critical to building a culture of respect and dignity. It goes far beyond mere political correctness!

Because of its foundational importance, disability etiquette is introduced today as the 6th key on our inclusive leadership roadmap. This concept directly impacts how every team member, including those living with disabilities, experience their workplace. Therefore, one of the foundational elements of inclusive leadership is developing a solid understanding of disability etiquette. If you’re a leader who cares about creating an inclusive culture, you simply can’t pay lip service to disability etiquette.

Disability etiquette is primarily about how we support our people and how we communicate with them. It’s about how to offer them the help that they need to thrive. In short, it’s about how we acknowledge each person’s unique needs and contributions. With respect and dignity.

To provide you with actionable insights that can be applied in your own leadership journey, today’s post is dedicated to sharing insights from Iliana and Izumi. Both identify as neurodivergent – Iliana is autistic and Izumi has dyslexia. The lived experiences that they’re about to share with us will bring colour and context to the Dos and Don’ts of disability etiquette.

The heart of disability etiquette… is not what you think

When it comes to etiquette and disability, many people think it’s all about not stepping on other people’s toes, or offending someone. But that’s missing the point. Primarily, disability etiquette isn’t about walking on eggshells; it’s about creating an environment where dignity and respect are front and center! In a leadership context, this is vital. When you overlook disability etiquette, you’re not just making a social faux-pas – you’re essentially undermining and undervaluing a significant portion of your team.

Take Iliana, for instance. She has often been on the receiving end of well-intended but unsolicited help. “People sometimes think they’re being kind by rushing to hold a door for me, avoiding certain topics, or speaking slowly to me,” she shares. “What they don’t realize is that their actions, though well-meaning, will often send the message that I’m not capable of doing or understanding simple things myself.” That’s where the real essence of disability etiquette shines: it empowers rather than diminishes, respects autonomy, and celebrates individual capabilities.

Izumi’s experience offers another eye-opening perspective. Sure, dyslexia affects how Izumi processes written information. But dyslexia doesn’t impede their ability to contribute meaningful ideas to a discussion! “At one meeting, a colleague handed out printed graphs and began discussing them,” Izumi recalls. “He then looked at me and said, ‘Don’t worry, this information isn’t important for you.’ His assumption was that because I have dyslexia, the data wasn’t relevant to me.” This type of behaviour illustrates a common pitfall: making assumptions about what someone can or can’t do based on their disability. Experiences like that make Izumi feel sidelined. Not because of their neurodiversity, but because of a lack of awareness and respect for their abilities.

Let me be clear: disability etiquette is NOT a checklist of “dos and don’ts” that a leader applies to be politically correct! It’s a tangible way to promote dignity and respect for everyone on the team.

And as we’ll see throughout this post, these subtle shifts in behaviour and understanding are what makes or breaks an inclusive culture…

Furthermore, disability etiquette isn’t about tiptoeing around potential sensitivities either! Rather, it’s about honouring the full spectrum of individual abilities. It’s about treating everyone as equal contributors. Through their shared experiences, what Iliana and Izumi achieve is reminding us that when properly understood and applied, disability etiquette can be a powerful tool for inclusion.

The art of offering help

Offering help and knowing when to do so can be a tricky area to navigate. While the intent is generally genuine, its execution can often unintentionally send the wrong message! The general rule here couldn’t be simpler – only offer help when asked. That’s it! This is especially important in a professional setting, where the goal is to treat everyone as independent and capable contributors until they indicate otherwise.

Iliana’s story provides some valuable insight here. “Regularly, during work meetings, folks will try to ‘help’ me by summarizing what was just said. They assume that just because I didn’t maintain eye contact it must have meant that I didn’t understand,” she explains. “But one has nothing to do with the other… I understand just fine! Eye contact is just difficult and mentally exhausting for me. Their ‘help’ implies that I’m not fully present or capable. Which isn’t the case at all!” Iliana’s experience illustrates that even well-intended actions based on assumptions or stereotypes can inadvertently marginalize someone. In her case, the unsolicited help does more than missing the mark. It also sends the wrong message – one that ultimately questions her competence.

But what if you see someone struggling? Well, it’s always okay to ask if people need assistance. The key is simply to wait for an invitation to help rather than jumping in unasked. This approach respects individual autonomy and allows people to control their own narrative.

As leaders, you need to take note – it’s not just about knowing when to step in… More importantly, it’s also knowing when to step back! Creating a culture that values autonomy and encourages people to ask for help when they need it is an essential aspect of inclusive leadership.

Speaking directly is all about respect

Now, there’s more to disability etiquette than knowing when to offer help… Another vital aspect relates to the way we communicate with people who have disabilities. What I mean specifically is the importance of acknowledging people by speaking directly TO THEM. It might seem obvious and straightforward, but it’s baffling how often people overlook this simple form of respect!

Let’s look at Izumi’s experience for some real-world context. “I’ve been in situations where people direct their questions or comments to a colleague sitting next to me, almost as if they’re my interpreter,” they share. “It’s both puzzling and demeaning. Just because I have dyslexia doesn’t mean I can’t engage in a conversation.” When people don’t speak directly to those with disabilities, they’re indirectly implying that these individuals aren’t worthy of direct communication or that they can’t comprehend what’s being discussed.

But it’s not just Izumi who finds this off-putting. Iliana adds, “When people address my coworker instead of me, it makes me feel invisible, as though I don’t matter.” Both their stories underscore the simple but powerful message: speaking directly to someone is a fundamental form of respect. It acknowledges their agency, their intelligence, and their place as an equal in the conversation.

So, here’s a tip for leaders wanting to fine-tune their inclusive communication skills; always address people directly, irrespective of whether they have a disability. It’s a small change with a big impact, which reinforces a culture of respect and dignity for everyone involved.

Choosing words carefully: person-first vs. identity-first

The language we use also carries weight! This is especially true in the context of disability and inclusion. A subtle shift in phrasing can make a world of difference in how respectful and inclusive our conversations are. Now, a word on the never ending debate on person-first and identity-first language…

Person-first language, like “person with a disability,” puts the individual before their disability. It emphasizes the personhood of the individual, suggesting that the disability is just one aspect of their identity. Identity-first language, on the other hand, such as “disabled person,” embraces the disability as an integral part of the person’s identity.

Neither approach is universally correct, as opposed to what some people will want you to believe. Language is all about personal preference. Iliana, for example, prefers identity-first language. “I say I’m autistic, not a person with autism,” she clarifies. “For me, my autism isn’t a condition to be managed; it’s a part of who I am.” Izumi opts for person-first language: “I’m a person with dyslexia. I feel this phrasing reminds people that my disability doesn’t define me. It’s a part of me, yes, but not the sum total of who I am.”

Tell me… Who would we be to tell either one that they’re wrong!? The takeaway here for leaders is to listen and adapt. If someone tells you their preference, take note and honour it. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask – but be prepared to respect their choice! This is a simple yet meaningful way to foster a culture that values individual identity, one word at a time.

Respecting space and tools of empowerment

Sometimes, the most respectful action you can take is to simply step back and honour someone’s personal space and belongings. This extends to assistive tools like wheelchairs, canes, and other mobility devices, canes. These aren’t just “accessories”, but tools of empowerment that enable independence. Same goes for service animals. Simply don’t rush in to pet them while they’re working! Always ask before and don’t get offended when their owner tells you “no”.

Iliana has some thoughts on respecting personal boundaries. “People sometimes engage in physical contact to get my attention. For example, they might pat my back, tap my shoulder, or wave in front their hand in my face so I look at them. It may not seem like much to others, but these unexpected contacts are sensory triggers for me. I wish people respected my personal space. I wish I didn’t have to explicitly state it every time.”

Izumi offers another angle about software customization. “I’ve customized my computer settings to better suit my reading preferences. It’s so frustrating when someone else uses my computer and changes these settings without asking. They might see them as ‘just settings,’ but for me, they are essential tools that help me work more efficiently.”

Recognize that each person’s assistive devices is an extension of their personal space and that software settings are tailored to meet their unique needs. Invading someone’s personal space or changing settings compromises the respectful and inclusive culture we aim to create for our workplace. By understanding that these tools are essential for someone to perform at their best, we can appreciate why they should be treated with the same level of respect as any other professional or personal resource.

Leading by doing

Leading by doing isn’t just a catchphrase. It’s a mindset that sets the pace for an inclusive work environment. It involves actively participating in and advocating for practices that foster disability etiquette. Leaders shouldn’t merely instruct – they should demonstrate! It’s our responsibility to model the behaviour we want to see in others.

Iliana notes the power of seeing a leader in action. “Our manager, uses a ‘silent meeting’ technique now and then, where we write down our thoughts instead of vocalizing them. It’s one of her way of recognizing diverse communication styles. When she introduced it, she was the first to participate, setting the standard for the rest of us. I love when we do that.”

Izumi shares a similar sentiment. “My boss knows I use text-to-speech software. During team presentations, he ensures that all documents are compatible with my software. He even checks with me beforehand. This act might seem small, but it’s huge in creating an inclusive culture and making me feel like I’m fully part of the team.”

In essence, leading by doing is about taking those crucial first steps and consistently following through. It’s about using your position to drive change – no matter how small or minor the actions may seem. Because even small acts contribute to a culture that respects and values all its members. It reinforces the larger message that everyone has a place and a voice.

More than just etiquette…

Combined with other key aspects of disability inclusion and inclusive leadership, disability etiquette causes yet another transformative ripple effect! When leaders prioritize, implement, and follow through with disability etiquette strategies, they create a blueprint for broader inclusion and respect. This affects not just employees with disabilities but everyone in the organization.

Iliana highlights the wider implications. “The whole team notices when managers get disability etiquette right. They get more clued in. They become better informed. More than meeting my specific needs or someone else’s, it’s about creating a genuinely inclusive work environment for all! Most people want to be associated with that.”

Izumi agrees. “When my boss ensures that all team materials are accessible to me, other team members notice, learn, and follow suit! Soon enough, a lot of them are sharing more thoughtful resources that are easier to engage with. Not just for me but for everyone. We all get smarter as a result. It’s a win-win!”

As Iliana and Izumi’s experiences reveal, small changes can have profound and transformative impact! They humanize the workplace making it not just a place to earn a living but a space where dignity, respect, and empathy become the norm.

Disability etiquette reaches far beyond the moment in order to transform organizational culture and individual attitudes. By setting the standard, we’re making our workplaces more inclusive – this maximizes everyone’s potential!

By enabling a workplace where everyone can truly connect, bridge communication gaps, and participate meaningfully, we’re also contributing to a larger social shift towards acceptance and equality. Clearly, it’s the right thing to do – but just as importantly, it’s very smart business!